Hard Conversations

I wanted to write this post a long time ago, but I just did not have time during the year!  Teachers get all kinds of training, but where is the training for the many hard conversations that we have to have during the year???

It’s about Sparky, my angry, uber-smart little guy.  I love this kid, but he can be ROTTEN.  Did I mention he’s really smart?  Really smart and rotten can be an ugly combination.  When you add to the mix the fact that his mother is a flake, you have the perfect trifecta for an educational disaster.

So, Sparky throws a chair across the room and is suspended for five days.  (He could’ve killed someone.  Seriously.)  On top of that, he’s not allowed to participate in the moving-up ceremony.  This about destroyed him.  I felt so bad, but frankly, he deserved it.  Part of Sparky’s problem, well MOST of Sparky’s problem is that Mom gives him ZIPPO consequences for his bad actions.  So, when he was sobbing his eyes out to me about missing the ceremony, I kept saying over and over in my head, this is for his own good, this is for his own good…

Sparky came back from his suspension and he was even worse than when he left.  He was sullen and angry and defiant.  He refused to do ANY work.  He was churlish and disrespectful to his classmates.  I wrote him up at every turn and sent him to In-School Suspension.  And, of course, I was on the phone every day with his mom.  (Why, I’ll never know.  It hadn’t done one lick of good in the past.)

Finally, one day, something in me just snapped and I thought, that’s IT.  I am calling this woman and I am telling her what’s WHAT about her kid.  I had made my mind up that I was just going to give it to her straight, that her kid is a manipulative, mean, nasty child and if she doesn’t watch it, he’s going to end up hurting himself or someone else, or both and land in jail or dead.  So there!  Hmmph. 

And then I got her on the phone and the minute I heard her voice, I just couldn’t do it.  I thought, I can’t say this to a mom.  I was reminded of my training this year, when the superintendent solemnly reminded us, “Remember, our parents are sending their very best to you.”  I thought of how much it hurts when someone says something unkind about one of my children.  I thought about how I tell both my children AND my students, be honest, but be KIND. 

That helped.  I told this mom, simply, I am worried about your boy.  She said, “I am too.”  That was all it took.  We had a good conversation about him.  Instead of saying,  he’s a manipulative little player, I was able to say, he’s learned some habits that are inhibiting his growth: emotionally, academically and developmentally.  She said, “Yes, I know you are right.  I’ve been wanting to ask you: do you think I should get some counseling for him?”  Do I think…???  Uh…HELLO!  LIKE YESTERDAY!!!  But all I said was, yes, I think that’s a brilliant idea.

I’m not a praying woman, but if I were, I would PRAY that she follows through!